I'm a rabbi who converted to Judaism. Ask me anything
From being accepted as a Jew to dealing with family and more
By Rabbi Patrick Beaulier
I have the unique history of being someone who both converted to Judaism, and also became a Jewish spiritual leader. It has been an incredible journey to say the least.
Since I work with people who are interested in becoming Jewish through Darshan Yeshiva, and have been in a similar position as many of my students, I think that gives me a unique take on what it means to have gone through the conversion process, but also what it means to live as a Jew By Choice in America.
These are just a few questions I have typically received (or pondered on my own time). Post your questions below and I’ll happily answer them between now and Shabbat.
Remember that every spiritual journey is unique and this just happens to be my history — not necessarily the path you should take.
1. What inspired you to convert to Judaism, and how did you convert?
The biggest thing was a sense that I was not the center of the universe, and that there must be more to “this” than meets the eye. Cliche, I know. But it’s what I felt.
What drew me to Judaism particularly was the two-fold relationship Judaism has with universalism and particularism. Judaism is universal in the sense that there is nothing in Judaism that seeks to negate what anyone else may believe. In other words, we don’t knock on doors hoping to convert the world. However - Judaism has core ideas and ideals. It has a particular history, language, theology (albeit a very open one), culture, texts and more. I know what to do, via Judaism, when life is both great and terrible. And I don’t deviate from that, because Judaism brings meaning and purpose to those very human — those very universal — moments in time.
How I converted, meaning with what movement in Judaism, is another big question. I began my spiritual life in Classical Reform Judaism, made my way to a Reconstructionist community (which is where I converted), but after some time I found myself more attracted to my local Conservative synagogue, mostly because that community was very adult education and text-oriented. Today I describe myself as independent and progressive, or as we say at Darshan Yeshiva, post-denominational. My personal practice falls back toward the Reconstructionist philosophy, even if my theology is not “perfectly” Kaplanian.
2. How did your experience as a convert influence your understanding and practice of Jewish traditions?
Many people see Jewish identity as ethno-cultural. I can understand that, and don’t seek to invalidate that. Others see Jewish identity as “peoplehood” — a vague term that in some circles has been rebooted to “Jewish identity is family” and that converts and non-Jews who love Jewish people are somehow adopted into the Jewish peoplehood.
Being blunt, it’s hard for me to accept this. At the end of the day, Jewish identity is not about a hereditary connection to Ancient Israelites. It’s about Israelites who crafted the religious civilization that we today call the Jews. It’s a unique, religious group. We know this because you can convert to it without an ethnic connection to it.
To put it another way — what tells someone they are Jewish is a religion. That’s why Jewish identity as a “religious civilization” (going back to Reconstructionist thinking) makes sense to me. Calling Jewish identity something that is just a civilization, divorced from anything spiritual, is a bit of a stretch.
My religious practices are too liberal to some, and too traditional for others. But keeping those practices keeps me in a covenant with a religion that reinforces who my people are. And that is meaningful to me. You can learn more about that in my Darshan Yeshiva mentor profile.
3. Were there any specific challenges you faced during your conversion process, and how did you overcome them?
So this is where it gets tricky for many, because being Jewish is something you do with others. Shabbat dinner alone is lonely. It’s hard to have a Passover-seder-for-one. That sense of practicing Judaism with others can be hard in the beginning, which is why my students who are converting with the support of Jewish friends, family members or a local community always have the easiest experience.
I was extremely fortunate that my rabbi, Josh Lesser, integrated me into the community and that this (at the time) new thing called “social media” helped me connect with others as well.
There were plenty of people I met who could not understand why a person would want to become Jewish. But times have changed. Darshan Yeshiva has been, I believe, a major part of that change. And sure, there will always be people who push back against conversion, but for the most part the Jewish community feels honored to have righteous people choose to be chosen.
4. As a rabbi who is a convert, do you find that your perspective on Judaism differs from those born into the faith?
Going back to that idea from Rabbi Kaplan about the Jews as a religious civilization, I would say that my emphasis on the religious component may be different. Those customs, folkways, mitzvot, whatever term you feel comfortable using, are what make the Jews who we are. If there had not been the built-in mechanism of conversion, and the Jewish people were something more like the Druze or the Yazidis, I would feel differently. But Jews are not an ethnic group — we are a religious group that was founded by an ethnicity, and told that ethnicity that you can be part of the peoplehood by being born into it or converting.
5. What advice do you have for others who are considering converting to Judaism?
Obviously I’m biased here because I love what we do at Darshan Yeshiva. But my biggest piece of advice is to work with your conversion mentor to find other Jewish people in your life to help uphold your Jewish practice. Judaism is a team effort, and I’m glad we’re on your team!
6. How do you navigate the balance between your previous cultural and religious background and your newfound identity as a Jew?
Judaism requires that you give up all previous religious ideas and practices upon conversion. For me, that meant giving up Christmas, Easter, and that’s it. It wasn’t a hard trade off.
7. In what ways do you think your unique background enhances your ability to relate to congregants or individuals seeking conversion?
Simply put: I’ve been there. I know that conversation of outting yourself to family and friends that you are becoming Jewish. I know that process of joining a peoplehood that can feel a bit off-putting at times. I get that struggle to be a spiritual person in a religious community that is very, very secular. And that’s where I feel lucky to get to share that struggle (and victory!) with my students.
8. What resources or support systems did you find particularly helpful during your conversion journey?
Our mentorship aspect at Darshan Yeshiva is incredibly important. Yes, I love our pluralistic content. I love our videos and handouts, and I love how every person in our conversion program receives all our content for free for life. But the mentorship is the best part. Having that rabbi or cantor guide you through the process of becoming Jewish is remarkable.
9. How has being a convert influenced your approach to teaching and interpreting Jewish texts and teachings?
Certainly it makes the Book of Ruth and Shavuot my favorite holiday. But then again, all the holidays are my favorite holidays!
Again it goes back to the religious component. Yes, I love Jewish humor, art, storytelling. What we might call Jewish culture. But the religion, albeit the religion as-I-choose-to-follow-it, has been the center of my rabbinate.
10. What lessons or insights have you gained from your conversion that you find especially valuable in guiding others on their spiritual paths?
Looking back on it — converting to Judaism did something for me that I wish many people had, in that it gave me something core to my identity that had nothing to do with my country or politics. In today’s divisive world, I think it’s good for people to have something to identify with and belong to that supersedes who they vote for. Being part of a community that has values, and values that may find their way to the ballot box, is certainly fine and true. But having something beyond partisanship is really helpful to me, especially now, and especially as an American.
Lastly, I’m grateful to Judaism for giving me a system for raising my son. Knowing that unless I am at shul, that we will have Shabbat dinner together…that we have holidays, customs, modes of being…that there are ways we act as a family that ground us, is incredible to me. It’s part of why I am more and more embracing the idea of helping people convert for the sake of marriage and family, and why I want to spend more time helping people create Jewish families, not just converting to Judaism for themselves.
Is the conversion recognized by the Beit Din in Israel?