ALL the Synagogue Stereotypes (Parshat Bamidbar)

And why inclusion matters so much even when people drive you bonkers

The census of the Israelites

Week 30: Numbers 1:1 - 4:20

• Haftarah Portion: Hosea 2:1 - 2:22

• Summary: The census of the Israelites, the arrangement of the tribes, and the duties of the Levites are emphasized. The Haftarah speaks of God's faithfulness to Israel despite their unfaithfulness, emphasizing the significance of divine grace and commitment.

• Thematic Connection: Counting and Grace

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By Rabbi Patrick Beaulier

You know those people.

The people in your synagogue. The stereotypes that are SO TRUE THAT IT’S PAINFUL!

I made a list of those people while driving in the car. And I’m going to lay them all out for you, just as this week’s torah portion Bamidbar lays out the tribes of Israel (in other words, lots of “ites” in this parshah). And at the end of this thing, hopefully you’ll see how much we are all some version of a shul stereotype, and why that’s perfectly fine, and why inclusion matters, especially in this day and age.

My shortlist of people you can’t help but see in shul are:

• The Schnorrers

• The Kippah Police

• That One Mom Who’s Just Too Much

• The Tikkun Olamers

• The Unelected Rosh Yeshiva

• The Rabbi Entrapment Committee

• That Cantor We All Know (Who Comes In Three Versions)

• The Yentas

• The “Cool” Rabbis

• That Person Who Loves Israel A Little TOO Much

• That Person Who Doesn’t Love Israel (Also TOO Much)

• The President of the Stop-Getting-Things-Done Committee

• That One Dad Who Will Get His Son A Bar Mitzvah If It’s The Last Thing He Does

• The Creative One Who Just Goes Too Hardcore On Everything

• The Networker

• You

This is all meant in good fun — no offense meant at all. I even make fun of myself multiple times.

Let’s get to it.